It’s funny when your body is tired, that’s when you get introspective. Lately, I’ve been thinking about how almost exactly a year ago, I went through a rough period. Possibly the roughest one I’ve ever gone through. But it’s a little awe-inspiring that sticking through that rough period has led to a solidly happy and steady part of my life.
When you hit rock bottom, you realize that there are some things you thought were nonnegotiables that quickly gave way under the pressure. What you thought was rock solid turned out to be hollow on the inside and it makes you wonder about yourself. It’s like a pause and a hesitation and a “But… I thought this was me… So I’m saying I’m not?” But hindsight now tells me that hitting rock bottom has a hidden blessing to it because you see what the basic parts of yourself are.
I learned that I value my pride. I will not beg or go down on my knees even for something I truly want. If I want something, then I will state it, I will tell you that yes, I want it/you and I’m not ashamed to say it… but I will not beg. I can ask with my pride still intact.
I learned that I cannot settle. I think I think too highly of myself to settle for something that was second best. If I see the potential, I’ll stick to it for all that I’m worth.
I learned that I still have my optimism even when everything else feels stripped bare. That I do believe that if you hit rock-bottom, there’s nowhere to go but up. And that there are always, always, always better days. Because then, how can you live so bleakly thinking that nothing good lies ahead?
I learned that if you work hard and keep kind (conan), good things come to you. It doesn’t take embarrassing yourself in public by verbally bashing someone to get ahead. Nothing good came out of it, didn’t it?
I learned that unless you let someone get under your skin, nothing can really damage you. Nothing can really change you, unless you let it. Now this was a harder lesson to learn than most but eventually I came around.
I remembered that for everything bad, there’s something to be thankful about. Good friends, a soft bed, a cold room, a good book. It’s impossible to have a bad life without something good to balance it. After all, you can’t really judge what is bad, unless you have something to compare it to.
I learned that this is my own f**king story and still under my control. I am the hero. I’m not a sidekick or the villain of my life. I save myself.
Here’s to tough years and strong hearts.
